I wrote a (long) short story about the 2024 election. I call it “Bad Karmala”. Note: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Okay, maybe not entirely, but the point is, obviously these events did not happen. The pictures are all fake too.
In an alternate universe not too distant from our own, the votes are being counted for the 2024 Presidential election.
November 5, 2024, Election Night
“Madam Vice President?”
Karmala Harris looked up at the aide poking his head into the room. “Hm?”
The aide had an apologetic look on his face. “Um, we have projections from Georgia.” He paused nervously.
“Well, spit it out, Henry.”
“Um, well, our projections indicate that Georgia is going to Donald Drumpf. That will put him over 270.”
“Motherfucker!” Karmala swore. “Not another fucking swing state for fucking Drumpf! Henry, what happened? I thought this was supposed to be close.”
“I don’t know, ma’am. Exit polls are saying, uh …” Henry checked the numbers on his iPad. “Drumpf increased his support among Blacks and Latinx’s, women, … and Democratic turnout was low compared to 2020.”
Karmala’s face went dark. “No.”
“What?”
“No. No, this isn’t happening. We can’t have lost.”
“Ms. Harris, I’m afraid there’s not much hope left. We’re well behind in every swing state. CNN and Fox have called the election for Drumpf.”
“No. No, listen to me, Henry. We did not lose this election. You understand? We won this thing. Think about it. Drumpf lost in 2020, right?”
“Undoubtedly.”
“Okay. And then, after that, he started an insurrection. Then he was charged with 91 felonies, of which he was convicted of 34. The others are still pending. He was found liable in court for sexual assault, then defamation. Dozens of former members of his own administration came out publicly against him. Leading figures in his own party defected. And then somehow he does even better in the next election? What does that tell you, Henry?”
Henry was genuinely unsure of what answer his boss had in mind. That she was a terrible candidate? No, that couldn’t be the answer. “Um, I guess … we should have committed more felonies …?”
“No, Henry! It means they cheated! We ran a flawless campaign. We had the most brilliant, dynamic, beautiful black woman ever to run for office. Every celebrity who matters was on our side. We had Obama. We had J.Lo. We had motherfuckin’ Beyoncé at our rally! Who the hell did he have? Some country star nobody? And you’re telling me 45% of Latinxes voted Drumpf? I don’t think so.”
“I agree, it’s very surprising. But look at the numbers.”
“Do you think I just fell out of a coconut tree?” Karmala cackled at her own catchphrase.
“Pardon?”
“They’re fake, Henry! Obviously, they must’ve stolen ballots. Look, we got 81 million votes in 2020. 71 million this time, if you believe the reports. You’re telling me that 10 million people who supported us last time decided not to support us this time? What, because they always wanted a convicted felon President, and now they had a chance to vote for one? Come on, Henry. They stole at least 10 million votes from us, maybe 20 million!”
“I see what you mean, ma’am. But there’s no concrete evidence of election fraud.”
“Then find it, Henry!”
Karmala walked briskly out of the room and addressed her supporters in the hallway. “Alright, listen up, people! We are not conceding this election. Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever give up! We have to fight like hell, or we won’t have a country anymore. And remember: when we fight, we win!”
* * *
Drumpf surveyed the crowd of cheering supporters in front of him as he prepared to speak. “Thank you, thank you. Well, it looks like we won this thing. Did you hear that? Fox News is saying we won it, even the lying fake news media—although they’re not so fake tonight, are they? A lot of people are saying this is the most tremendous election victory in the history of our country, and maybe the world, I think it’s the most in the world, did you hear that? Laffin’ Karmala and the Radical Left Democrats, and they really are radical … Did you know she’s not conceding?” The crowd booed and yelled. “She’s not admitting she lost, she’s a sore loser, we’re gonna call her ‘Losing Laughing Karmala.’ ‘The Lying Laughing Loser.’ Triple L. Who’s laughing now, Karmala? But we’re going to take that White House, and we’re going to make it great again, we’re going to make the country great again, and we’re not going to have any sharks in the White House, no sharks …”
November 6, 2024
Karmala dialed up her favorite lawyer. “Johnny, it’s Karmala. Yes, I’m fine. Listen, Johnny. I need you to file lawsuits to stop the election certification in all the swing states.”
Johnny Cockroach got out a pad of paper and started to take notes. “You de boss, Karmie. What are we alleging?”
“The Republicans stole the election, Johnny. It’s obvious. Look how many Latinx’s supposedly switched their votes from Democrat to Republican. It makes no sense.”
“Got it. So, Arizona, Georgia, Nevada, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. Did they cheat in all these states?”
“They sure did. And don’t forget Michigan. There is no way we could have lost Michigan if they didn’t cheat.”
“Great. You tweet that. Now what are we gonna say in court? What’s our evidence?”
“Evidence! As if that’s not enough? This election was so rigged it’s unbelievable. It’s up to you to prove it.”
“10-4, Karmie. I’ll find some ‘evidence.’ You keep tweeting about the election fraud, and make sure you tell your supporters to send in any ‘evidence’ they might happen to find. I’ll have my people go over it. The more you tweet, the more evidence we’ll get.”
November 10, 2024
Five days after the election, Jo Reed prepared for her segment on MSNBC, the Reedout.
“Good evening everyone. We begin tonight with an apology. Five days ago, we called the election for Donald Drumpf. At that time, it looked like he had won. In the last few days, new evidence has emerged of election fraud by Republicans. There are now allegations that Republican officials across seven swing states may have engaged in a massive campaign to steal votes of primarily black and brown Democratic voters. We have with us noted political expert James Garvel. Welcome to the program, James.”
“Thanks for having me,” James replied.
“James, I want to play a clip for you and have you talk about it. Watch.”
Reed cut to a clip of what appeared to be election workers carrying boxes out of a building and out to a car.
“What are we seeing here?” Jo asked.
“Jo, these are Republican election workers stealing Democratic votes. See, look there, they’re taking the box and loading it into the trunk. No one will ever see those ballots again. This is what happened to the 20 million missing votes.”
“Truly shocking,” Jo opined. “And this is just one of the dozens of videos, photographs, and first-hand accounts we have received from citizens across the country attesting to suspicious behavior by election workers. Was the election stolen for Donald Drumpf? We don’t know. We’re just asking questions. Why did Black and Latino voters vote in greater numbers for the most openly racist Presidential candidate in history than they have for any other Republican candidate? It sure would be nice to know, wouldn’t it?”
Over the next two months, Karmala held rallies across the country, repeating her story of massive election fraud. Left-leaning media sources covered her allegations ad nauseam on a daily basis. Most claimed not to be asserting that there was fraud but merely to be “asking questions.”